I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
