oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
