he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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