Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
