she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I love you.
Bad choice
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
