Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
