We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
