For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
