I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
