speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
