wrigley field is MILF paradise
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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