so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
