are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
