I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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