i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
