the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
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I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
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I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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