I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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