feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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