and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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