Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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