White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
