I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
