Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
