Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
