Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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