So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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