Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
