I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
All the doctor said was why
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
