I think I died a long time ago.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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