I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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