Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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