Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
