I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
