I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
