we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
