xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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