PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
