I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
