Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
