it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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