Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
