There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
