Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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