3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
People in love make me want to vomit
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
