forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
