It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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