We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
All the doctor said was why
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
