We won't sleep together?
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
