He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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