clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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