Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
