Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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