Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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