Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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