In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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