and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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