just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
