Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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