We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
