He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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