ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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