So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I didn't notice because vodka
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife š¬
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being āgoodā and 10 being ābanging a studentās fatherā, how bad is it that Iām banging a studentās father?
Randomize
