Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
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And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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