it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
