Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
