i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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