sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
