the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
