I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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