Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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