He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
