I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
