What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
A+ Viking dick
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
