I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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