There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I enjoy the company of your penis
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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